Want Me To Fix It Mitt?

22 Sep

Dear Mitt:

I’ve put off writing for a while now, mainly to see if you were ever going to get your crap together and find a truck big enough to haul it in but with everything that’s happened over this past week or ten days, it’s obvious that you’re not going to pull this thing together without my help.  I am therefore offering to serve as your senior campaign advisor free of charge for the remainder of the campaign since it’s become obvious that you are being truly ill served by the staff you have now.  I’m not sure that even I can save your candidacy but we can at least work on your image a little.

I have taken the liberty of putting together a rough outline of the three main things that  will need to be done over the next few weeks in order to make the “horse race” being claimed by the corporate media at least resemble something other than a running joke.  These strategies are all based on something called “common sense”, something that you and most of your senior campaign staff seem to have taken leave of on Inauguration Day, 2009 when the poor black kid from the Chicago ghetto got himself elected to the job that… like everything else in your life…  you seem to think you’re entitled to without ever having to work for it’

1.  Lose Marie Antoinette… like last week.  Every time this woman opens her mouth she simply reinforces the public’s perception that she’s just another whiny little self entitled rich bitch who wouldn’t know hard times if they were gnawing her ass off.  So far, between the two of you, you’ve managed to alienate every single voting block out there with the possible exception of the billionaire financier sector and even they just sit and shake their heads every time one of you opens his/her mouth.

I simply can not believe that in view of what has occurred every single time you’ve stuck her in the faces of the American public, that you continue to do so but here she was again this week,,, of all things… attacking Republicans.  The LAST thing you need to be doing when you’re as deep in the crapper as you are is alienating the goddamned core base.  Have you checked out  Republicans for Obama yet?   Even if their claims in regard to the number of Republicans who WON’T be supporting your elitist ass are only half or a third true, that’s millions of Republicans who won’t be voting for you.  You keep letting Annie piss people off if you’d rather be remembered as an asshole instead of a president.  Otherwise, super glue her lips together and don’t let her out in public,

2.  Knock off the “I’m one of you” bullshit.  You’re just not a good enough actor to pull it off.  If there’s one thing that should be obvious to every living breathing creature on this planet it’s that Mitt Romney is NOTHING even remotely resembling the rest of us.  I’m not sure exactly what you are but someone who understands the simplest basics about what it’s like to live at a lower level than you do on the food chain that YOU helped to create certainly isn’t it.

Every statement you’ve ever made on the subject of working class Americans has shown your utter disdain for anyone who has ever had to work for a monthly paycheck, especially those who might have gotten their hands a little dirty doing it.  You didn’t have a chance of pulling it off BEFORE Boca Raton and you damned sure don’t now.  Just be your normal, everyday loathsome bastard self Mitt.  You won’t win any of the working class independents that way, but you aren’t likely to get those votes anyway and at least you won’t be knocking yourself out pretending to be something you’re not or to care about something you don’t.

3.  Let the grownups handle foreign affairs.  Nobody has elected you, nor has anyone died and left you in charge, therefore you have no more business calling press conferences to criticize or otherwise talk about the governments handling,,, either of an isolated incident or of foreign affairs policy in general… than I do.   Grandstanding on the graves of American diplomats and embassy personnel who were slain while performing their duty would be alien to a normal human being who actually possessed a soul and your performance last week simply reinforces the idea that you don’t.  When YOU are the one in charge and YOU have access to ALL of the information and intelligence that the POTUS is naturally privy to, then you get to make the hard decisions based on what you know, not what you think will make you the most brownie points with the Tea party fringe.  Otherwise you’re just another cheap grifter trying to turn tragedy to personal gain.

There’s a lot more that needs doing but given the time constraints caused by your waiting so long to bring me in, even I may have trouble pulling it off.  There’s a very good chance that you jmay have to settle for being remembered as the candidate who ran the crappiest presidential election campaign in history and hastened the destruction of the Republican party but at least you’ll be remembered for something, eh?

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Posted by on September 22, 2012 in Uncategorized


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